My Four Selves

How well do you feel you know yourself?

Is it possible to really know ourselves?  Can we truly know who we are all the time in every situation?  There are four me’s (or selves) in my head and quite often they talk at the same time.  So if you’re wondering what the confused or startled person standing in front of you is up to, please be kind, she’s simply deciding which of the four me’s is required to present at any given point.

Me 1

  1. The no holds barred me.  This is my raw behaviour, gut instinct and gut reaction are afoot.  Nothing self-reflective going on here, no self-awareness or concern about how my behaviours may be affecting others.  Unregulated reaction and emotion.  Not always my best me.

  2. The me I tell myself I am:  I am a good person who likes to do kind things for others.  The me who is a sister, wife, mother, friend, counsellor – the roles I think I fulfil and also what I tell myself about how well, or otherwise, I’m doing.  This me is also the one that presses the rewind button on those negative childhood tapes about being unworthy.  This me is both someone I could have as a friend yet simultaneously would like to give it a short sharp smack every now and again.

  3. The me I want others to see:  In the company of people for whom the No. 1 me would be unacceptable then I find another me whom I think will meet present Me 4company’s expectations of acceptability.

  4. The me I’d like to be:  Who I am today is not who I was ten years ago, or even three months ago and this person will not be the same me in six month’s time.  Each of us changes with every situation we encounter.  We change voluntary and roll with life’s resistance to our easy ride or we rail against life’s “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – good luck with that one!  This fourth me is the metamorphosis of the first three em’s.  Knowing who I am in the first three helps me identify which behaviours, reactions, responses I want to take into the future and those that need to be left behind.

As for whether I feel I know myself well or not the jury is still out on that.  How can I know myself when I’m continually popping in and out of my various selves that makes up my complete self.  The four me’s are not four personalities rather four ways in which I see myself.  Like a well cut diamond that reflects rainbows in each of its facets.  Others may feel they know me and when people say they know me better than I know myself I’m not going to argue.  They may well know one facet of me better than I do myself, but what of the others about which I have knowledge and insight?

Me 2

Sorry folks, the question is simply too hard to answer.  As birthdays come and go the unhappy fact is the more I have of them the less I know about life or myself.  Can someone please take me back to my twenties when I knew everything.   What wonderful times.  A time when I was stupid enough to actually believe I was bullet proof, took insane risks with my personal safety and lived life on the edge like I would be raptured before I hit thirty.

I know what I like and what I do not enjoy.  Similarly I understand my triggers for stress as well as the things that bring joy into my life.  If that is all knowing oneself is about then can I have a sticker please.  On the other hand if knowing ourselves is about why we work the way we do and why we don’t change behaviours we know are self-destructive, then you can join me in the dunce’s corner … because I don’t get it.

After thought:  When the MOTH (man of the house) reads this I can imagine him saying ” … what a load of nonsense.”  How do I know this?  Because I know some of his ‘selves’ quite well especially the engineering self which doesn’t hold with all this introspective ‘rubbish.’

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