Friday 29th November 2013: You’re almost there! Tell us how you feel about endings.
Staggering across the finishing line a day late but I figure what the heck, it’s still November so I’m in. I didn’t manage a post every day and feel okay about that and also proud of meh that I was able to post as many as I did. You know what, 19/30 ain’t a bad effort. I didn’t realise how knackered I was in the evenings and after a full day’s work and an hour’s travel home, I am pleased with my effort. Not having to decide what to write about because of the NaBloPoMo and Daily Prompts was a blessing. Thank you to the administrator and countless invisible peeps who put so much effort into this (big appreciation hug). Your efforts kept my commitment out of the trash can. The idea that it would be a breeze to post each day, after all you could put up a photo if your muse had gone AWOL, was wrong wrong wrong! It’s hard work and I didn’t even get one up each day. Muchos kudos to you bloggers that did. You’re amazing, committed and wonderful. Inspirational even.
I’ve learned so much this month and a big shout out to all you experienced bloggers. I read your pieces and they’ve validated my fears and doubts, you have them too so that makes me feel okay. One of the prompts asked what we would change about ourselves if we could and I chose perfectionism. Participating in this month’s NaBloPoMo has taught me it’s better to post something even if it doesn’t shine with spit and polish. It has to be good enough not perfect. The first day that I couldn’t post yes the thought did cross my mind that I may as well flag the whole thing but thought it could well have been a self-sabotaging strategy to let myself off the hook, and once again be disappointed. I kept going. Although I didn’t achieve completely I did achieve.
So really, what do I feel about endings? Sometimes I like them and sometimes I don’t. I don’t like endings that arrive abruptly without planning. Like when someone dies and there is no time to say goodbye or when you weren’t able to get to a farewell party for a workmate to whom you’ve been close. Those endings always feel unfinished; emotionally untidy. The endings that bring closure, sad or happy, and from which a lesson has been taken are my preference.
Some endings can’t come fast enough like the study groups colleges insist you participate in. There’s always a geek who knows it all, and someone who rides on the back of others’ efforts: get me out quick. The end of childbirth was good until 19 months later I was back again, lying there making animal noises and wondering what I was thinking of for a moment’s pleasure. Is this going to be worth it … it was.
Tomorrow is 1 December and I’ve signed up for another month. Maybe I’ll get more posted maybe I won’t. Whatever happens my blog has a purpose and direction which it didn’t before. The notion of writing about whatever whenever however never factored into things until now. Please correct me if I’m wrong but anything does go, doesn’t it? Maybe not everything right? No being unkind, rude or bullying – sounds reasonable. What a liberating thought. I like it. I like it a lot.
How do I feel about this particular ending? It doesn’t feel like an ending. Rather the beginning of a new commitment to have a go every day. I’ll be using the camera next month to help increase my posts.
Thank you for the company along the journey and stay well.