Daily Post: NaBloPoMo: Change One Thing

If you could change on thing about yourself what would it be?

Infront of the blank page: naked.  Oi, scary …

Self-doubt has been a barrier to so many achievements from early childhood to these later years.  A lifetime of  self-doubt has robbed me of so much that for self-assurance and confidence to be mine instead would be a blessing.

How sweet to move forward from today not worrying about whether or not the best decision had been made.  I tell myself that suicide is just about the only decision which can’t be turned around yet the fear is paralysing.

Waking tomorrow with the clear conviction that no matter what the outcome of decisions made will be a wonderful relief.  It would mean I had slept tonight instead of doing the head miles about the pros and cons of each scenario that might present as an outcome.  What if, what if, what if.  Crazy-making stuff.

Alright already just make the damn decision and get over all the possible consequences.  Most of them never happen anyway and by the time the consequence has played out I’ve forgotten what the question or matter was.  Big waste of time.

Without self-doubt I’ll live in the moment,  mindful of and observing life, my response to just this one moment.  The burden of the past would drop off and the toxic tapes of childhood will no longer play in my mind.  [Dad, I still ‘know’ I’m fat, ugly and will never amount to anything.  Even though none of your nasty prophesies bore fruit yet I still feel fat, ugly and worthless.  Your poison still works its tragedy from beyond the grave].

The future will be a moment to look forward to but not somewhere to dwell  today.  Worrying about tomorrow robs us of today’s joys – I believe that.  I look forward to being confident that whatever the outcome of my decisions,  self judgement will reserve its criticism even if only for a few moments.  How freeing.  The simple thought makes me feel  quite light-headed.

Trust will replace self-doubt and faith in intellect, talents, and skills will build self confidence as I allow myself to be proud of my many achievements instead of minimising the effort involved in getting where I am today. Without self-doubt I’d be free to enjoy my strengths, acknowledge the things I actually like about myself without the critical voice in my head asking me whom are  you to be happy, pleased or simply content …..

Others would be free of my criticism of them, they will be relieved of my scepticism and sarcasm because without self-doubt there will be no reason for any of those energy sucking attributes to be part of my persona.

Could actually happen ?  Oh shush – self doubt.

Be gone foul negativity.

This soul is released into a new tomorrow filled with possibility, freedom from doubt.  An abundance of joy, peace and exhilaration.  Laugh out loud as the prison gates of self-doubt slam shut forever.

“What the mind can conceive and the heart can desire, you can achieve”

Norman Vincent Peale 

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